Quick, Answer Me
Before I Forget the Question

Do you ever lie awake at night and wonder...

Why can’t I sleep?

Does baldness really matter to women?

Why can’t I eat onions anymore?

How much money do my parents have?

Am I using too much cologne?

QUICK, ANSWER ME BEFORE I FORGET THE QUESTION tackles the most nagging and embarrassing questions about midlife in a Q-&-A format packed with essential information and spiked with amusing sidebars. You’ll find out the truth about liposuction and cellulite . . . the timeline for “normal” memory loss . . . what midlife men really want in a woman . . . why your feet are getting bigger . . . and much more.

A unique and light-hearted take on a daunting subject, this is the perfect guide to that undiscovered country—middle age.

Penguin. Jan. 2008. 288p. ISBN 978-0-14311289-1. pap. $13. SELF-HELP


TIDBITS FROM A FEW QUESTIONS—
FOR THE COMPLETE ANSWERS, READ THE BOOK

FROM CHAPTER 1: MIND AND SENSES

How much memory loss is normal, and how can I tell if I’m forgetting too much?

“Worrying about memory can actually make memory performance worse,” declare the experts at UCLA’s Memory and Aging Research Center. Talk about too much information. That’s the sort of Catch 22 that makes one want to bonk oneself on the head with a bat and be done with it. . . .

It is normal for midlifers to forget new information, such as people’s names, and to get that “tip of the tongue” feeling where you almost remember a name but can’t quite do it. It’s also normal to occasionally forget the date or to have mild difficulty with new tasks, such as learning to use a digital camera. You may have a harder time than you once did with spatial visualization—for instance, recalling faces you see infrequently or finding your way around a campus you occasionally visit. In general, it is normal for midlifers to experience a decline in motor speed, speed of information processing, short-term memory, and fluid intelligence (problem-solving). . . .

FROM CHAPTER 2: LOVE AND SEX

What scents do men and women find most erotic?

Dr. Alan Hirsch, a scent researcher and author, conducted a double-blind study to find out which scents get men most aroused. Hirsch’s team measured the blood flow to the penises of male participants, ages 18-64, as they inhaled various odors. The scent combination that got the men most turned on was lavender and pumpkin pie. The runners up were donut and black licorice, and pumpkin pie and donut. Of special note: older men tend to like vanilla a lot, too (Hirsch doesn’t say how old).

So, girls, the next time you’re in the mood for romance, bake a pumpkin pie, put some fresh lavender in a big vase, and maybe sprinkle some vanilla on the sheets. Home … warm pie … old-lady smell of lavender . . .erections . . . it’s a little creepy, but the science backs it up. Actually, it sounds like advice for holding an open house. . . .

FROM CHAPTER 3: THE BODY

Are my feet getting bigger or are shoes getting smaller?

Sometimes having flat feet will make a person’s foot longer, but regardless of whether or not they have that condition, most people will gain a full shoe size by the time they are 50. After 50 years of use, you wear out about half the natural padding under the balls of your feet, according to a 2005 report published in the New York Times. The foot gets not only longer but also wider, especially in the forefoot.

The shoe dilemma is more complicated than simply growing a size, however. Shoe sizes have become deregulated, so to speak, over the past decade or so. If you were reliably a size 7 all your life but now fit into anything from a 7 1/2 to a 9, that’s why. And if you have always been hard to fit, it’s not your imagination that things are getting worse. . . .

FROM CHAPTER 4: HAIR

Does baldness really matter to women?

In July 2005, Great Britain’s Committee of Advertising Practice passed a rule that would appear to validate the widely held belief that baldness is unattractive to women. As reported in The Times of London, “Drinks companies have been ordered to hire paunchy, balding men for advertisements to meet new rules forbidding any link between women’s drinking and sex.” The committee rejected an advertisement from Lambrini, a sparkling drink, because it featured a slim young man being “hooked” by three sexy babes at a fairground. “We would advise that the man in the picture should be unattractive—overweight, middle-aged, balding etc.” instructed the committee.

“We’re not sure they’re qualified to decide for the nation who’s sexy and who’s not,” responded Lambrini owner John Halewood, who noted that the ruling insulted a large portion of the male population and ignored the allure of stars such as Sean Connery and Bruce Willis. Lambrini reshot the ad with a man who was bald, but not overweight.

So who’s right? Must you be Patrick Stewart to retain sex appeal once your hair begins to thin? The conventional wisdom is that women don’t mind baldness as much as men think they do . . .


FROM CHAPTER 5: THE PAPERWORK

How can I ask my parents about their money?

Sometimes a life event such as retirement, recovering from an illness, or selling a home provides a good opening for the financial chat. If you don’t have that excuse, you can use the information-exchange approach: “Mom and Dad, I’ve collected all my important papers and I want to discuss them with you so you can help manage things if anything should happen to me. I’d like to know where your records are, too.” If your parents don’t have their estate in order, it’s a good time to suggest that they go to a financial planner. In many families, there is one sibling who gets along especially well with the parents and who should probably be tapped as spokesperson for the clan, as long as everyone trusts him or her.

If you are on good terms with your folks, you could ask to accompany them to the meeting with the financial planner. And if you don’t have your own estate in order, you might want to hire someone who specializes in intergenerational financial planning. That person can then be the one to bring up potentially touchy subjects such as long-term care insurance and living wills. . . .

FROM CHAPTER 6: THE FUTURE

What is cohousing?

Imagine a condominium complex with a soul, green architecture, and residents you actually like. The sophisticated distant cousin of the commune, cohousing is quite possibly the wave of the future. Green architecture is encouraged, landscaping is often lush, and the human scale of the developments will warm the heart of many an urban or suburban dweller. Young families seem to make up the majority of residents, but all types are usually welcome, from singles to single parents to midlifers and older folks. More than 200 cohousing communities currently are thriving in the United States.

The first question most people ask about cohousing is, “Will I have my own kitchen?” The answer is yes. However, a big draw for many residents is that meals are served from two to five times a week in the “common house.” Depending on the size of the community, residents usually pull kitchen duty once every four or five weeks. . . .